Oh Lord, am I in trouble!

Oh Lord, am I in trouble? Yes, Lord, I am
deep in trouble. I got kicked or nearly-kicked
off Thinknet today. I'm not really sure which.

A while back I got one guy's goat, a doctor of
academia, of course. I gave the blustering bull
a good raking for his egomaniacal assumption
that he was all logical, and in his dismissal of me
I was defending someone else, very much his
equal in smarts, against his blusterosity, while
the self-identified pure logic dude, claimed very
logicallically of course, I had "absolutely no
logic at all." Which is well-nigh an impossiblity.
Correct?. Lord. I mean to talk - er, to keyboard
the words that could evoke such anger from him
means I had to have had some little bit of logicity
in there somewhere, didn't I?, when I was showing
him my anger. You know, I showed him mine, and
he then he showed me his.

Then I went after another guy being ballyhooed
by yet a third guy. I outed the first of this duo for
going mean on one of my favourite philosophers,
and showed the innards of his programme of
division for what it was, but I'll not unravel that
much further, Lord. (People may be listening in on us.)

You know about this guy and his promoter, who has
now shrunk back, so I'm glad I stuck my neck out,
and my tongue, and my elbow, and my foot, so we
don't have to expect any more bully ballyhooing of
superstitutions malingering that the Enligthenment
tried to kick out of Christianity largely at Your behest,
as You are wont to do even to the people who cover
themselves with your Name and a whole bunch of
sticky theories that they and I can argue about, but in
doing which I don't follow rules that make me cut off
my feelings, because as You know, You've seen that
I had to do that most of my life, & I'm damn sick and
tired of it, as You know.

Yeah, You and the mixed bag of the Enlightenment,
in ridding us of the stranglehold of superstuitions
because it was such a damn nuisance & served only
the people who loved the treacherous spookiness of
the Enchanted Forest, only now they've put it back
in the sky "in the Heavenlies" and do so on the basis
of a stray Bible verse. It could be worse, I guess.

This former promoter of the Apostle of Discord was
so incensed at me, he farted out "totally out of order,
cowardly, vicious, and expressive of a deeply anti-
Christian spirit." You back him up, don't you, Lord?

I got another email from yet another guy and I got
delitefully animalized, and replied in kind, but we
somehow we worked it out. I hadn't been able to
reply in the meditative way I would have wanted
to an earlier email, so my telling him to wait, pissed
him off for a bit, as he too had a dire sense of
urgency of his own, and he let me have it. So, I let him
have it right back, and he charmed me out of my own
pissed-offedness in his reply email. Silver lining?, Lord.

Oh yeah, the guy who came off with the whole stream
of words trying to excuse the double divorcee divider
because of divider's mental health, then at another
point held me responsible because I was crazed by
an anti-Christian spirit - here we go again into the
Enchanted Forest. He kept reminding me of his status
in the mental profession, and said that I'm in bad
mental health, so I'm a real bad guy. The double
divorcee divider, however, is okay because he's in bad
mental health and therefore to be commiserated
because he broke his vows to two women, the most
important promises of his life. And then started an
effort to divide our Christian philosophy circle by
arguing you can't love both the main philosophers who
inspired us, not at the same time. But that's like trying
to force my mom and dad to divorce, the way I felt it.

It's this last that gets me in trouble, as You know, Lord.:
I philosophize by includng my feelings, my suspicions,
my joyous enthusiasms, my cautious and incautious
takes on various stuff, my doldrums, and my boredoms.

I'm speaking in repetitious circles, Lord, because I can't
figure it out, except that I outed a guy who tried to recruit
me into his circle of dividers, so yes, there's something
wrong with me, Lord. But you know all about that. You
trained me. You pained me. You drained me. And yet
left me to live and carry it all, scrounging about with no
one and nothing except a very live brain when I'm well
enuff to function, however illogically to the self-certified
judge of logics. And you beat into me some very serious
loyalties over the years, as I think of it, feeding from Your
stingey Hand, O Lord. Even tho You slay me, yet willl I
trust You ... almost, most of the time, perhaps, I would,
yes, I would like to. Still, I'm not starving in Africa, yet.

Yes, Lord, in the end I guess my quarrels are all a quarrel
with You. So, I've stepped away from Thinknet to let them
roast me in peace in their paradise of cool & superiourity -
You see, I've absolutely no logic,

Then at some point in some other email, he said he was
crazy, but stuck in one of those damn smiling faces. Lord,
I am in deep trouble. But I fite on, until the glad day when
I collapse permanently and can drop the sword and shield,
forever.